In our age of miracle grow X Factor popstars, a new act launching a mammoth world tour just 18 months after their debut may not seem so shocking.  After all, having been preened and moulded from south London nobody into world class megastar, ushered through album launches and Oprah appearances, it seems only natural that you could apply the same manufactured and hyped formula to a world tour.

So what makes Lady GaGa’s first arena tour special in our schizophrenic pop culture world?  Because special it is.

GaGa kicked off her second world tour, just a few months after climaxing the last one with a whizz round the European festival circuit.  The Fame Ball lasted 6 months, encompassing Europe, America and Asia with a staggering 68 performances.  It was GaGa playing up to her New York art scene schtick; theatres and clubs, homemade props and background videos that appeared to be thrown together with her distinct DIY ethic.

Beginning in March and ending in September, during the course of the tour GaGa evolved from “that girl who sings ‘Just Dance’” into a bona-fide pop performer to rival the greats.  The show evolved too – beginning as a testament to what you can do with £50 and a bit of glitter, by the end of the 6 month onslaught GaGa had picked up a live band and a bunch of pyrotechnics.

In spite of her obvious ambitions, by September GaGa was looking decidedly worn.  About half the size of the Stefani Germanotta who appeared on So You Think You Can Dance in hand-stitched shoulder-pads, and with bags under her eyes big enough to accomodate her ever expanding wardrobe, it was apparent that being at the cutting edge of pop was an exhausting task.  So a break seemed inevitable.  It was suprising, then, that putting her feet up and having a cup-of-tea whilst polishing her slew of awards and accolades seemed to be the last thing on GaGa’s mind.

GaGa is a natural fit for an arena tour.  In spite of her crazy art student musings, she trades in massive spectacle – from exploding tits to fog machines.  While Britney has been trotting round the world miming to her latest CD as her dancers and the rejects from Cirque du Soleil attempt to fill the cavernous stage, evidently GaGa has been dreaming up ways of using this bigger canvas to her advantage.  So with a swift rerelease of the album to include 8 new tracks, The Fame Ball has been reimagined as The Monster Ball and is going back on the road.

The show kicked off last night in Montreal, but it has already seen it’s fair share of controversy.  Announced as a joint tour with hip hop king Kanyé West, after his shocking display of douchebaggery at September’s Video Music Awards, Kanyé was whisked promptly off to rehab and off the bill, leaving GaGa to do it alone.  Not that I’m complaining, that’s more GaGa for my money.  Behind the scenes GaGa’s creative team, the camply named Haus Of GaGa began working out how you build a stage that packs a fair amount of punch for a crowd at times 10 times larger than those GaGa was performing to just months ago.  And to prove that GaGa had not strayed too far from her routes, she invited her fans (her ‘little monsters‘) to construct their own background videos, the best of which GaGa would use as part of her travelling spectacle.

Madonna took a break from her record breaking Sticky and Sweet Tour to accompany daughter Lola to GaGa’s The Fame Ball.  Madonna had only praise for GaGa, her thrift store chic and her work ethic.  Infact, Madonna even claimed that GaGa reminded her of herself – what greater praise could one expect from the Queen of Pop?  I wonder if, sat amongst the hordes of screaming gays, the drag queens dolled up in their platinum wigs and jewel encrusted sunglasses, Madonna’s mind was cast back to April 10th, 1985, when she embarked on her own debut tour, The Virgin Tour.  By that time Madonna already had two successful albums under her belt and a legion of fans who dressed like her, talked like her and knew all the words to “Dress You Up”.  I bet the fact that GaGa has achieved a similar level of success in half the time is eye-opening for our Madge.

And so, with The Monster Ball it appears as if GaGa is hurtling further into Madonna’s world.  Can she maintain this momentum?  Can she throw together a circus to rival Britney’s in such a short amount of time?  It’ll be interesting to see.  Either way, this is one of the ‘must see’ tours of our lifetime.  It’s the live development of a future icon, I have no doubt about that.  Unlike the X Factor spectacles and the cynical money-making shows of the 00’s, this is not merely an attempt to dress up a singer to sell more tickets.  This is an all-out creative attack on pop.   And when the GaGa train rolls into London, I’ll be there at the barrier, Poker Facing like my life depends on it.  I suggest, if you care about pop, that you are too.

Kelis is one of those popstars, isn’t she?  She drifts between obscurity and genre-defining anthems like “Milkshake”.  In going through my top albums of the past 10 years, I’ve been listening to a bit of Kelis recently, wondering where she’s been for the past few years, so it was no wonder she would reappear out of the blue with something jaw-dropping.

That’s the thing with Kelis – those big songs, they always sound so… new.  So as we enter a new era, I’d like to know what she thinks it’s going to sound like.  Perhaps it’ll be a distortion heavy disco number, like her new song “Acapella“.  This is seriously fantastic – it’s part Kylie’s Fever album, part Klaxons nu-rave and part Donna Summer.

I know, right?  Oh and shout out to her new gold sparkly logo.  Delish.

So, I realise I am a bit late to this party, but the BBC are currently airing the second season of their big gay comedy, Beautiful People.  In a word, it’s shit (but not nearly as shit as the recent horror that was Home Time).  The plot is based (loosely) on the memoirs of Simon Doonan, gay window dresser extraordinaire, who grew up in a dreary 70’s UK.

For the purposes of the show, the story has been updated and Simon has lost about 20 years, with his childhood now taking place in 90’s Reading.  This is the show’s main redeeming feature – shitloads of 90’s fashions, memorabilia and copious amounts of Spice Girls on the soundtrack.  There is something slightly disconcerting about watching a piece of nostalgia about your childhood – especially when it wasn’t that long ago.  It might have been better (in terms of story and finding an audience home on a Friday evening) had Simon been 10 years older, and growing up in the 80’s.  Atleast then he could have done a bit of vogueing on his 16th.

The stories are flimsy but campy; in the opening episode of this series the characters kept bursting into song (always a bonus).  Simon and best gayfriend (GIRLFRIEND) are a bit ridiculous, but, as someone who grew up in 90’s suburbia too, relatable.  But really, I’m just watching for a listen of such classics as those form the Spice Girls, All Saints, Kylie and Billie Piper.

If you’re looking to dip your toe in the water, check out the latest episode on BBC iPlayer.  It features none other than transexual Eurovision winner Dana International reinacting her 1998 glory moment.  It also features Simon’s chavvy sister forming an All Saints style girlband.  WORK IT GIRLFRIEND.

Madonna’s Celebration campaign marches on, this time on the streets of New York City’s Meat Packing District (the bohemian industrial bit of New York – IT’S WHERE SAMANTHA ON SEX AND THE CITY LIVED).  The iconic artwork created by Mr. Brainwash has been plastered all over the place.  Images after the jump.

In other news, Madonna is ramping up to release her next single, “Revolver“, from the Celebration collection.  Even as a huge Madge fan, I have to admit that the original mix of this song is hideous.  Madonna sounds like she’s doing her best Wicked Witch of the West impression.  Hey, there’s an idea, a new version of Wizard Of Oz.  Miley Cyrus could be Dorothy, Madonna with Wicked Witch, and GaGa can be the wizard.

Ahead of the release, a new remix of the track by David Guetta has been released.  Sadly, unlike the Benny Benassi remix of “Celebration” which made the song atleast listenable, this remix just makes a shit song worse.  COME ON MADONNA.

Do you remember when Jennifer Lopez was good?  Like, when she was running round with former kind of hip-hop ‘Puffy’ and shitting out big amazing pop singles all over the shop?  You know the ones I mean, “Waiting For Tonight”, “If U Had My Love”, “Love Don’t Cost A Thing”, “Play”.

I liked that Jenny.  She went through men and songs like she went through fur coats.  But things have been on a progressive downward slide since then.  None of her followup albums (save for the remix collection, J To Tha Lo) have matched up to her first two releases.  Never-the-less, despite This Is Me… (the horrific cheesy ode to Ben Affleck) and Rebirth being horrific sludge fests, each has thrown up atleast a semi-decent single or too.  ”Get Right” was a brassy pop stomper, and who can forget the classic “Jenny From The Block”, if not for the ridiculous sentiment alone.

2007’s Brave album seemed to drop the ball harder.  Now running around with the hilariously uninspiring Marc Anthony, it seemed Jenny was heading for middle age, motherhood and mediocrity without stopping to change her Jimmy Choos.  It did atleast claim the undiscovered gay anthem “Mile In These Shoes” that graced a Desperate Housewives promo, so we’ll let her off.

But our Jen is back!  Brand new single.  Brand new album on the way.  She’s done with having kids and playing the housewife. Shame, then, that “Louboutins” is a load of old shit and in no way lives up to the amazingness of the shoe brand itself.  If I was in “Louboutins” PR department, I’d be on the phone having this banned as we speak.  Worst of all, Jenny has clearly been spending too much time on ‘the block’ because she can’t even bloody pronounce “louboutins“.  Poor Christian.

Her voice sounds tuneless and weak.  Where’s Christina Milian when required?  The beat is uninspired and dated.  Where’s RedOne?  Perhaps we should all just go home.  Oh well, she’s still pretty atleast, and there’s always Glow.

Worst of all, the song is reportedly ’stolen’ from that other former R&B popstar, Brandy.  I can’t see why Brandy would want it, mind.

So, you know Shakria released a new album recently? She Wolf is a bloody good album.  I would argue, that it is in fact, Shakira’s best work to date.  It’s sexy, dancey, ethnic, unique and exciting.  Well done, Shakira.

Shakria has always been one of those artists that exists slightly outside my radar.  I feel like there is a massive Shakira following, and in some other world Shakria is a HEEEUUUUGE popstar, but that I only visit that world with a tourist visa.  I liked her first English album, for the singles atleast.  ”Whenever Wherever” is undeniable for it’s demented lyrics and vocals alone.  Yes Shakira does sing a bit like a constipated goat – the novelty of which was enough to sell me a few songs.  ”Underneath Your Clothes” is one of those brilliant pop songs too, but Shakira always seemed a bit like a latin Jessica Simpson to me (both wanted to be Britney at the turn of the Century, anyway).

Then there was “Hips Don’t Lie”, which I didn’t get, and the Beyoncé duet “Beautiful Liar” that was good, but considering it was two pop divas colliding, came off lacking to my ears.

So when the “She Wolf” single popped up, after what feels like a bloody long absence from Columbia’s finest, I was blown away.  It was almost as if Shakira had come to terms with herself and made it.  It sounds like it could fit only Shakira.  It’s sexy and latin sounding whilst still being and electronic pop song.  And then there was the album cover…

Can you believe Shakira is 32?  Have you ever seen anything quite so sexy?  This whole thing is so primal and animal.  And lets not even get started on those dance moves on display in the video:

And yes, I believe she is dancing inside a giant vagina.

So well done Shakira, props all round.  Your single was great, the accompanying album was fantastic and you have become the epic popstar I have always thought you should be.

Then you went and fucked it up.  Bloody hell.

The second single from She Wolf on the yank side of the pond is Timbaland produced “Give It Up To Me“.  There are multiple problems with this, that I will try to address.  SO LISTEN UP, SHAKI.

Firstly, and most importantly, “Give It Up To Me” moves away from that horrendously sexy exotic drum driven electro pop produced by The Neptunes or John Hill to adopt that signature Timbaland sound.  This wouldn’t be a problem, had Shakira not used Nelly Furtado’s 2006 album Loose as some kind of ‘template’ for She Wolf.  It’s not shocking — Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater” and “Promiscuous” fused a latin/tribal/animal pop sound with R&B beats and scored some massive sales figures – I still consider “Maneater” to be amongst the 10 best songs of the past decade.  But she atleast chose to work with different producers, primarily The Neptunes, who brought the sex to Britney’s 2003 hit “Slave 4 U”.

The result sounded fresh and different with a hint of familiarity.  By working with Timbaland, who, alongside his protogé Danja was the driving force behind Nelly’s 2006 success, Shakira has only highlighted the similarity between her new sound and Timbaland’s signature approach.  And of course, Timbaland went on to work with everyone after Nelly; from Justin to Madonna (and Jutsin with Madonna), while his partner in crime – Danja – went on to reinvent Britney’s sound in a similar fashion.

The result is that “Give It Up To Me” sounds a whole lot like alot of what came before it.  Not least the Timbaland hit featuring Nelly and Justin, “Give It To Me” (you can see where this could get troublesome).  And to make matters worse, Shakira has also roped in middle-8 rap slurrer of the moment, Lil Wayne to give it that ‘hip hop’ factor.

Okay, so Shakira is not completely to blame.  This is not a ‘Shakira’ track in the sense that “She Wolf” may be; the song was originally recorded under the decision of Timbaland, who intended to include the track on his forthcoming Shock Value Volume II.  But the song was subsequently dropped and has ended up in Shakira’s catalogue.  And, due to the tardiness of the track it isn’t even featured on the already released International Edition of She Wolf, but has been tacked onto the end of the US version rather unceremoniously.

The irony is that there are much better and more original sounding songs on She Wolf.  ”Men In This Town” and “Why Wait” are crying out to be singles.  Classy, big and brassy – not a cynical rehash that sounds as if it was conceived by by Hot 100 radio for quick and easy consumption.

Am I being a bit harsh? Probably, or perhaps I’m just dissapointed.  And then we get to the video.  Following up the phenomenal “She Wolf” and “Did It Again” with an Asda Price version of Madonna’s “4 Minutes” (another ill-conceived Timbaland collabo) in Rihanna’s cast-offs.  Woe:

I had hoped that Shakira’s She Wolf would do for the latin popstress what Good Girl Gone Bad did for Rihanna; hang around for months, spawn a wealth of fantastic singles and then get a big rerelease, by which time the Timbaland track would be completely acceptable.  Sadly, it seems as if once again Shakira may be going back to that land which is so foreign to me.

Sidenote: The song is still quite good, in spite of all this.  Timbaland’s sound may be common as muck, but I still quite like it. Did I just void 900 words?

ANYWAY!  The song and video are both nowhere near as bad as some would have you believe.  Yes it’s all a little bit “Lady GaGa on a budget” – ironic, considering GaGa did it all on a budget.  But, the man chosen to parade his massive one (ego that is, ho ho!) is WAZ OF CHANNEL 5 REALITY TELLY MODELLING PROGRAMME.  And as I recall, he does have a massive one (ego that is! It never gets old).  I still totally would though, and for that reason alone the video gets a yes from me.

But seriously, who doesn’t like to stick on a spandex one-piece and stalk reality telly stars?  Oh, just me then?

Okay, so not entirely true.  But shockingly, Oprah Winfrey is to retire her mega popular amazing chat show in 2011.

The Oprah Winfrey Show is one of the most watched television shows around the world, and Oprah has used it as a platform to fight racism, sell politics, attempt to save the world and share a few diet tips.  Everyone has been on Oprah, and most recently she made pop culture headlines in a ‘groundbreaking’ comeback interview with Whitney Houston.  The best part was when Whitney explained to old Ops how to lace her weed with coke.  BUT SHE DON’T TOUCH CRACK.  CRACK IS WHACK.

Oprah’s not been without her controversy, or a doughnut, for most of her career.  Most recently there was the Tom Cruise incident, where an out of control actor went ape shit and jumped all over the furniture.  Speaking of which, did you see the woman who’s face was torn off by a chimp?

If there is anyone reading from Mars, I assure you that the Oprah Winfrey Show is not a modern day freakshow (most of the time).  But seriously, I’m going to fucking miss Oprah.  My favourite is the Christmas one where she lists her favourite items (the annual show that made Sprinkles Cupcakes a must-have) and the gives them to her audience!  And every year the audience look fucking shocked to be going home with a tub of Oprah’s choice moisturizer.  So treasure the next 20 months guys, because after that it’ll be The Tyra Banks Show all the way.  And Tyra just can’t inhale a cheeseburger like Oprah can.

And it was quite amazing (and that’s not solely down to the free booze!).

Yes yes, Rihanna is BACK BACK BACK BACK etc.  As we arrived to a chilly Brixton (and after enjoying a quick Nando’s) it was evident a special night was about to kick off.  For one night only, Brixton played into the hands of a new Princess Of Pop; the streets were filled with scowling posters for Rated R while crowds of Ri fans huddled beneath their umbrellas hoping to get in.

After bypassing the masses and making our way to the VIP (ehem, don’t you know?), we took our place for the show to kick off.  45 minutes later and I was thoroughly sold on Rihanna’s come back.  After the “Mad House” intro, Rihanna appeared from below the stage to the chant of “the wait is over” from new buzz single, “Wait Your Turn“.  I fucking hate this word, but the only way to describe it was ‘fierce’.  She wore a GaGaesque onepiece and a black mesh S&M blindfold thing (no idea what they’re actually called) and moved between fucked up naked mannequins.

There was a great blend of new album material with Rihanna performing both the opening tracks and forthcoming single “So Hard” alongside classics from Good Girl Gone Bad including stripped back roc ballad versions of “Disturbia” and “Take A Bow“.  Personal highlight for me was new single “Russian Roulette” which she performed perched atop a white leather throne (Madonna style).  The song seemed really powerful in the context of the ‘new’ Rihanna show, even if it was slightly out of tune.  But hey, atleast it was live, right Britney?

When she launched into her Jay Z duet “Run This Town” it should have been obvious that the man himself would put in a cameo, but the entire crowd (myself including) still went batshit crazy to see Mr Beyoncé.  After adding his part to the song, he launched into the intro to “Umbrella“, which the crowd celebrated by opening their umbrellas completely unprompted and dancing below a rain of confetti.  Immense?  Yes, it was.

You got the impression that this was an album that could only be launched in a dark and rainy Brixton in the middle of November.  Rihanna is now a cold and hard rock bitch who straddles the two worlds of R&B dance anthems and heavily produced stadium rock to deliver something that both kicks you in the nuts and makes you want to celebrate.  Her new material is much blacker than anything which preceded it, which, considering her recent tabloid troubles is probably inevitable.  That said, Rihanna oozes confidence on stage.  She struts around looking like she’s done it all before.  If the show was a taster of things to come, the next 18 months are going to belong to Rihanna just like she owned the pop landscape of 2007.  Whenever the Rated R tour kicks off, I can guarantee I’ll be fighting for a front row position.

So thanks Rihanna, you delivered a very good show that has this pop blogger very excited for your album release on Monday.  And thanks to Nokia for letting us in.  And thanks to my competition winners for coming along too – hope everyone had fun.

Intro/Mad House/Wait Your Turn

Russian Roulette

Disturbia

Don’t Stop The Music

Watch out for a full review of Rated R coming over the weekend.

And while we’re on the subject, the GaGa has also revealed that, contrary to popular thinking, The Fame Monster will not be a special rerelease of her debut album The Fame, but rather a new album release, with a secondary special edition release to feature The Fame as a bonus disc.

Confused?  Watch this and push yourself over the edge:

It’s a preview of the “Bad Romance” video.  Can you believe Lady GaGa’s only been around for about a year and a half?